Authored by BlueAngel on
Sunday, October 31, 2004
This entry was sent by one our members through the Internet hoping we would enjoy a little humor at the end of October and "Hall-o-ween"
Ethel E. Killgore Taylor
San Antonio Polio Survivors' Association
AKA BlueAngel
An English professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful!
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Authored by BlueAngel on
Saturday, August 07, 2004
These facts will even make you laugh out loud. As usual these are from the erstwhile E-mail from a friend. Enjoy!
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat up one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worthit.)
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now, that's more like it.)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper is always smiling? And why isn't the pig included in this list?)
On average, people fear spiders more then they do death.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight, and always falls over on its right side when ntoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of....? Did the gov't pay for this research?)
Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew? Who cares? Did the gov't pay for this too?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
A cockroach will live 9 days without its head before it starves to
death.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while it's head is attached to
its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Hi,
honey. I'm home. What the...?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to
be a pig. Quality over quantity, you know.)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, jeez!)
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like this too.)
Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the fool upside the head.
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Authored by BlueAngel on
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Forrest Gump and Saint Peter is an e-mail sent to me by one on my friends in the San Antonio Post Polio Survisors Assocaitaion . Thought that all might enjoy this as I have. It does cause one to pause and think a little about the different perspectives we all have on life and things in general.
This is one of the cutest e-mails I've seen in a long time!
Enjoy...
The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at
thePearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed
andForrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it'scertainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tellyou, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administeringanentrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have passitbefore you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St. Peter, sir. But
nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too
hard,life was a big enough test as it was." St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know,
Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How
many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?" Forrest
leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says,
"Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your
answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the
week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and
Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's
notwhat I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't
specify,so I'll give you credit for that answer.
How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and
Iguess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve?Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January
2nd,
February 2nd, March 2nd. . ."
"Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.....but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and
frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you
come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiestone of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song. . . . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . ."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run."
Give me a sense of humor, Lord. Give me the grace to see a joke, to
get some humor out of life, and pass it on to other folk.
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